Surprise surprise

HOLD THE PHONE!!!!!!!!

So we had already resigned ourselves to trying another cycle. Peter really was not ready to go the whole donor egg route. I think he would keep doing the IVF cycles with our own eggs indefinitely. I, on the other hand, had already met with Dr. D. who is at the clinic for the DE experience. We were getting all of the tests in line, and preparing for the counseling session. One really sad thing was that their donor egg pool was pretty minimal. 8-9 total donors. Not that great. We had started to look at other egg agencies and there the numbers were better, but everyone has warned about using these places so I was a little tentative.

Dr. D was astounded by my absolute lack of response. Even with being 41, he thought that I should have formed at least one follicle but having E2 levels of 26, 52, 37, then 45 was really concerning. He said I was on the lower end of the curve. Now, being a striving overachiever, I don't like being told that I am on the lower end of the curve, even with measurements that are not within my control.

As I had said, we plan to go through one more IVF cycle full force. No more giving in on the seventh day. I was coordinating with Dr. B regarding when all of this should take place. Apparently, there is a national meeting for RE and all REs attend this meeting to get new information. (I was secretly hoping that some great new discovery would be revealed that would solve all of our problems.) Any way, so we would have to schedule around this meeting, but it looked as if the timing would work out. It may have interfered with Thanksgiving plans, but that was almost being too hopeful.

I had started tracking my bbt again, and it has been a steady 97.2 for the past week and a half. As I had been tracking before (religiously for almost one year). I knew that I ovulated and menstruated like clockwork and that I had a dip then a sharp increase in temperature after ovulation. I had guessed that I had not ovulated yet because of the lower body temperature. I was just going to wait to get AF then contact the clinic. But yesterday I was sitting in my office and Dr. B called. Apparently he had been talking with my nurse and they had discussed the unusual event of AF arriving before I stopped taking bcp. I told them this was very unusual because normally when I am on bcp I get no bleeding at all even on the placebo pills. To top it off, I have an extremely light and short cycle. Usually, one heavy day of flow and two days of light flow. But that month it lasted 10 days and it was heavy all 10 days. Very weird. Any way Dr. B and the nurse were talking and they decided about the medications that I would be taking the next cycle. A flare protocol with increased menopure vs follistim. I think this is good because my LH levels were never greatly detectable around ovulation any way.

Dr. B called and wanted to arrange to determine my E2 levels and do a sono to make sure that I didn't have any cysts or anything. I go in and one of the residents is doing the sono and it seems to be taking forever. I mean forever. He keeps moving the probe all around. Then he asks what the results of my last sono were which I guess was 10/16. I said "lazy" had seven follicles but only one around 7mm. He then proceeded to say that I had TWO mature follicles in lazy and no antral follicles in righty. One being super mature (26.5mm ) and the other lagging (17mm). Everyone was jumping for joy. I truly didn't know why but continued to smile along. He then went to ask Dr. B what to do and came back and said they were going to induce right away and that I would have IUI tomorrow a.m. Wow, that was fast. So now P my DH needs to come home from work a day early, but hey we all need to make sacrifices.

Here I sit with two follicles waiting for spermies to come along and make me proud.

What a weird thing. I have been off stimulation for 12 days. I will let everyone know how it goes tomorrow.

Cycle stopped

Well it is official. The cycle was cancelled. E2 of 45. Wah wah waaaaaaaaaah........

Really optimistic then crash

I am heart broken. I went in for U/S. Had seven-eight follicles in "lazy" (my left ovary that only has usually 1 antral follicle). So you say great, what are you complaining about. Got my estradiol results....37. Huge sinking feeling that makes me want to break down into tears. OK, then you say, but there are always DE. Well, as it turns out I apparently have stenosis of my cervix. What the **** is this. Nobody mentioned this could be a complication. So the RE can't even put a catheter in me. He has tried twice. This means even an IUI could prove to be difficult. They might have to dilate my cervix somehow or stitch it so it stays open. Don't ask me, I wasn't paying that much attention. I am concerned now that possibly I should have gone with the more experienced RE. Apparently, they will be called in for consultation.

Really and truly on the verge of tears. Better get back to work so that I can go home and wallow in silent misery. DH has been on a trip and should come back some time tonight.

CD4

I went in bright and early this morning and had b/w. E2 came back...52. I guess this isn't the greatest. I don't know after 3 days of stimulation what should you expect?

I just realized that I may have foreshadowed this wimpy response. Instead of saying that I am up for IVF this month, I inadvertantly said that I was up for IUI.

I am scheduled for U/S and b/w on Thursday. The RE is going to try the mock transfer again. Is this a bad sign? Shouldn't the mock transfer be very straight forward?


Slight change of topic now. I have a feeling that I have no optimism in this process because I have done all of the steps in generating genetically engineered mice. I know that it is really just a numbers game. It all comes down to how many embies you get and that depends on the number of eggs. The other thing I know is that retrieval and transfer should be like riding a bike. For people who have done it a lot, there should be no problems. It should be very routine. That is why I am a little worried that my mock transfer didn't succeed. Should I request a different physician? I don't know.

Second day of injections

Today's injections went a little more smoothly than yesterday. I still forgot to add the Lupron to the Menopur so I had to stick myself 3 times today.

I feel like I am injecting myself with liquid gold with the Follistim. One would think that for recombinant proteins it should be less expensive.

I still can't get over the fact that I am sticking myself with needles.

I wonder how much these hormones affect your mood. I have been a total wreck. Lets list all of the things that I have gotten upset over.

Friday-- Went for U/S and practice transfer. Only 4 antral follicles. Then practice transfer did not work. My uterus is too tipped. Now, I have to go through the procedure again on Thursday. Ask RE why even begin any of these things if I am only starting with 4 follicles. He said there might be more and that the stimulation might increase the numbers. Sometimes I feel like they are doing all of this just for practice. It is a new clinic and they don't have a lot of clientele. I get a lot of personalized attention, but sometimes worry that they are not as experienced as they should be.

Met with my boss for a quick and fun science meeting. He said some things that insinuated that my job was in jeopardy. I got completely upset and had to leave the meeting in tears.

DH did not call the puppy adoption place to say that we had to return the cutest little thing ever. When I found that out, I hung up on him. I ask him to do one thing to make my stress levels go down, and he didn't even do that.

Saturday--Maredsous, the puppy poo, does not get along with our new puppy, Sierra Nevada. This means we had to give her back. I was so upset. She was perfect. Partially house trained, energetic, loving, playful, and obedient. Best of all she was undeniably cute. Springer Spaniel mix. I didn't want to give her back, but Maredsous was constantly on edge. Hence, I was constantly on edge. I balled all day. My eyes were so puffy I had to wear a baseball cap to return her. I am still pretty upset.

Then today when DH I called I just lost it and told him I felt as if it didn't even matter if we are married. This weekend I felt so alone and he was off mountain biking in Lake Tahoe with his friend G. Granted he has a meeting there, and supposedly I couldn't go. Though looking at the calendar now, I totally could have gone.

Anyway, this all is just to show that I have been extremely moody.

The In Vitro Journey

Today started the serious business of figuring out if my body really has what it takes to still produce eggs. So far it has not been the most promising endeavor that I have experienced.