Sunday, February 15, 2009

Third IUI under my belt

I am such a horrible correspondent. No wonder I never kept a diary. Writing is very cathartic, but I often find that my writing is uninspired and boring. So to continue that trend I am writing a brief update about my progress.

On Valentine's Day had the IUI. I had Dr. M, my favorite fellow do the IUI. It hurt a little more with her, but she has such a positive attitude and I don't feel she makes things up as she goes along. Two of the other fellows are constantly feeding me BS and I really despise that. Inspired by one of the other posters, I wore Valentine's Day socks. It was fun, but P forgot the camera so there is no documentation. I am not even thinkng about the 2WW. I am just going to get the stuff I need done. I have grant due on Friday and I am traveling to Vancouver the following week. That should keep me occupied for the remaining time.

Today, my temperature rose so I definitely ovulated. Had 3 mature follicles, one smaller one, and one filled with debris. Whatever that means.

As I keep teasing my husband we had a weekend celebration of love. To be honest, the sex was great. I don't even care what the results are from this round of IUI. For the first time in a very long time, I had sexual desire. I was hot and bothered and had incredible egg whitey mucus. Everything feels right. And if this doesn't work I still believe I have a chance.

We will only probably do one more round with IVF/IUI. But after looking over our past cycles I am ok to be resigned to the old fashioned method. We will also pursue a DE cycle, but there are just too many other things to worry about now. For example, my clinic does not do DE so we will have to find yet another clinic. Also the donor profiles in the area aren't that great. I think we might have better chances in a college town. I know intelligence is not only genetic, but why not start off on the best foot? We want to have a donor with college grades better than a 3.5 and SAT scores of over 1250. Is this unreasonable? Our other main criteria is a healthy family history. Few allergies, cancers, and heart disease. We would also like our donor to be athletic. Just meaning that they find physical activity fun and healthy.

Thanks to everyone for your comments. They really mean a lot to me.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Brief update

I know I am trying to keep a positive attitude, and complaining does not fit that profile. But I really do not like the fellow who did my u/s this morning. She is the same one who overlooked a follicle that was 15mm. Saying it was too small to count. Making me think that I should go with an IUI last time. To top it off, I think she is pregnant, again. Just adding insult to injury.

We shall see what the E2 levels are. I am actually hoping for an IUI. I know it is lower in efficiency, but it also seems like less technical problems can arise. P. has great sperm counts, so if we give them a few more targets, maybe that will do the trick.

I should get back to work. Will update with the E2 levels later.

I am anxiously awaiting bb and Sarah beta. Crossing my fingers that all goes well with both. You guys give me great hope and inspiration.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Egg donor cycle

I have been putting off writing this for awhile. I am completely torn about going with an egg donor. On top of the amazing expense and the hassle and all of the uncertainty, I also have a very personal reason for being undecided. You see, I was born from an anonymous sperm donor. Well, not exactly. My mom got pregnant by some guy. She knows who he is, but has never once mentioned him to me except on one mean occasion when I was teasing my brothers that I was not related to them. She then springs it on me, (when I was 11 or 12 years old).

"Mom, why is M. so much smarter then we are?" said my brother.

"Because I am not related to you," I said with a laugh.

"That's right. You kids have a different dad" my mom replied.


I have never been the same since. Nobody ever talks about it and I live in constant (well not constant) but occasional wonder if my "dad" will try to find me and give me a huge sum of money.

What does this have to do with egg donation. I just don't know if I would want to tell my child that they were not mine, genetically. Ever since that day, I have always felt kind of weird about the only man I have ever known as my dad. We really never have been close, and I wonder if somewhere back in the recesses of his mind he resents me. Will I resent my DE child? If s/he misbehaves will I blame it on my husband and not take any responsibility? Would I have been better off not knowning that I come from a different genetic stock than my brothers. Would I have felt closer to my whole family? I just don't know.

What if I do keep this whole donor egg thing a secret from my child? They will find out some day and then they will resent me. It would be a joint lie that my husband and I would have to share. Isn't that an incredible, painful burden. Is this one time when a lie is OK? Is there ever a time when any lie is OK. I just don't know. I don't know how to decide. I want statistics. I guess it is similar if you tell a child they are adopted. I just feel that the genetic bond does mean something and I don't want my kid to miss out on that.

I also don't want to miss out on the coolest genetic experiment of all. Mixing my DNA with my husband's to see what wonderful offspring can result from our love, respect, joy, friendship, and caring. Please, please let me get pregnant this time. Let me have one miracle. Let me experience first hand what I see happen in the lab every day.

I go in tomorrow morning for my day 5 sono and E2, but again isn't it really only like day 4.5 of stims. If I started on Thursday then I have only been stimming for 4 days. I am sure there is some time necessary for the uptake and the response. What am I hoping for. Something similar to last cycle. E2 around 200. I want 7 follicles over 10mm. Thats what I want. Lets see if I can get it.

Oh, for those wondering, I am not doing the day 3 stim, because I don't think my RE is concerned about OHSS.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Here we go again

After last months failed cycle...empty follicles. I thought that I might actually enjoy a break. I was able to get some physical activity in. I ran in a 15K, started going to spin class, and played some racquetball. I was hoping to lose some of the weight that I gained due to the multiple IUIs and IVF cycles. Everyone says that you can work out when you are pregnant, but apparently when you are trying to get pregnant and you are ancient like me, not so much.

I went in for the baseline ultrasound and there were 9 antral follicles. For someone of my advance reproductive age, that is supposedly the most you can expect. I wanted it to be 11 or 12 before we continued with another cycle. Maybe that is expecting a lot, but hey it is to be my last cycle. The doc says do or die. He would have stopped most people after the last cycle, but I guess I am too whiney to let that happen.

What is different this cycle? Well, we are going with the Lupron microdose flare protocol, but using 300 Follistim and 150 menopur. My guess is the change in drug dosage (less menopur, less LH) is due to the lost eggies. The plan is to find out how many follicles and if there are less than 5 I want to do IUI. The RE wants to do IVF, but after the last time, I am sure he understands my hesitation.

Thats the update. No news until next Monday. They don't seem to be worried about me and OHSS. Ha!