Sunday, March 29, 2009


Mekate put her tarot reading on her site and I thought it was really cool so I will do the same. It looks really good, but I am not sure what to think about the hermit.

The Seeker-a new beginnig
You have the opportunity to start a new journey, with a beginner's mind. Is it time to hit the road, either metaphorically or literally? Every time you set out on a journey, even if it's only a one-day hike, you embark on a spiritual journey as well. Be open to all the twists and curves in the road ahead. Be ready for wonderful surprises. Be open-hearted, innocent, trusting and spontaneous. Take a risk! Before you is a brand new adventure — the chance for a fresh start and endless possibilities.

The Gardener-sensuality,creativity, abundance
You are being challenged by overflowing abundance and fertility, to the point that it may feel overwhelming or chaotic. You may be pregnant with so many new creations that you are having trouble focusing on just one. Learn to plant, weed and nourish your garden in a sustainable manner; then you will be able to offer the best possible of all foods to those whom you love.

The Resolution
The Hermit-sacred solitude
Resolution comes as you spend time in sacred solitude. You need to withdraw from the world to focus on your inner life and spirituality. Perhaps you have been wounded in the "wars of the world," or perhaps you are fatigued and empty from putting out so much energy, especially if you are a caregiver. Your well is empty and it needs to be filled. Take some time out for a retreat. Go away to the mountains or the sea, by yourself, without partner or friends. Spend time outside in nature, observing the changes in your environment day by day. Your inner wisdom and sense of well-being will grow effortlessly the more time you spend outside. When you once again enter community life, others will be drawn to the light they see inside you and may come to you for guidance. For part of your purpose is to share what you've learned with others.

Doesn't sound too shabby to me. I guess as soon as I get through my parents visit, then it is time four our new beginning.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009


I just returned from extended work travel. It was productive and the honbun met me up in Vancouver for a relaxing weekend. No thoughts about IVF just enjoying each others company and having fun together.

This weekend, we had an extremely productive couple of days. Cleaned the back yard, ordered a new door, organized some closets. And oh yeah, we listed all DE candidates in an excel spread sheet. The sad thing is that none of them are perfect. The one I like the most is 33 years old and not available until May. She has participated in 3 other cycles. Choice number 2 is available now, but she is slightly overweight and not a proven donor.

We have decided to go with a donor who will match our blood types. We plan to reveal the truth to the child when they are older, don't know what age, but I think it was confusing to me to find out when I was 12.

The plan is to find a new RE, try one more cycle with my own little eggies and then move to DE if we have to. I added up the costs recently, and they are frightening. The only other thing that I have spent more money on is the house. I think of all the vacations I could have gone on with that money.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Well the wait was over on Saturday

I was sure I was pregnant. My ovaries continued to hurt all the way through this weekend. Everything seemed right. We had copious amounts of enjoyable sex. The IUI was on Valentine's day. Forget the fact that it fell immediately after Friday the 13th. The follicles were not perfectly synchronized, but I figured with 3 we had an ok shot with IUI. I had a bbt dip on day 8. I was a little worried about my temps. They really weren't as high as they usually are. I don't know if that is the effect of the IVF drugs, but it really doesn't matter now.

Had to regroup. RE said he would prefer if I put time and energy into a DE cycle, but will try one more cycle with me if I beg and plead.

I am traveling again in March and my parents are visiting in April so I think all of this will be put on hold for now. I know I should forge ahead with the DE scenario, but that means I have to find another clinic. There are 5 to choose from and I have no way of deciding where to go. Then there is deciding on the donor. I hate making life altering decisions. That is probably why I am still in this job that I am not too excited about. Living in a city other than my darling, P. Life is comfortable, but I feel this need to contribute more to society.

Any way, I need a plan of attack. A time line, a good way to decide which clinic is ideal. There is one that is an easy choice, but thusfar I have not had the best experience with them. It took 3 emails to get them to send me the application. 4 phone calls to reach the donor egg coordinator. 3 weeks for them to return my call for an appointment with the psychologist. OK I know this sounds bad, but if I use this IVF clinic I can have all of my testing done at my existing clinic. Which I guess in the whole scheme of things doesn't mean that much. All they have to do is measure my uterine lining right? That won't take too many visits.