Sunday, April 10, 2011

If you haven't given up hope on me....

I wandered on to Cyclesista today. Mostly by procrastinating. I decided I would unlurk and make some comments to folks who are going through cycles. Not too many this month. I think I will place everything on my second blog which doesn't have this apparently cliche obvious name. Right after I started this one, I found two others with the exact name. So if you want an update you can find it on

Monday, June 29, 2009

Shutting down

I think I am done with the blogging for now. I appreciate everyone's kind words and I hope to be able to keep up with everyone's progress. It seems that everyone is doing very well. Plans are in place. Some seeds have been planted. Others are on their way to establishing a family. I wish everyone well and hope to update everyone once a cycle begins that has any promise. I am not shutting down the site until I get all my stats off it.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


Well, here I am. two days away from when I should be expecting my period. OK, I know others will think that I am totally insane, but I still hope that this cycle I conceived naturally. I always considered myself a realist, but no, I really think I am an optimist in disguise.

I felt cramps on day seven post ovulation. I know, why do I put myself through this. Well, if you think about it. It is all I have to do. There is absolutely nothing else I can do. So either I get my period or I am pregnant. I handle disappointment well.

I should quit drinking alcohol, shouldn't I? I gave up caffeine over 1.5 years ago. I try to take a vitamin every day. Boy, have I been bad at that. I eat veggies regularly, but for some reason I just can't stop drinking. I know I could lose weight and feel better about my eggies, but then how could I deal with the disappoinment. I know this sounds like I am an alcoholic, but maybe I just realize the whole futility of my situation. I know one good egg and all, but seriously it is beating me down. I just want to have it over with. I don't want to decide on a donor. I don't want to take the meds. I don't want to go through the tranfer. I don't want the two week wait . I just want it to be over.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Brief update

I thought I would provide a brief update to everyone. Thanks for all of your kind notes along the way. I was very sad to read about all the IF problems that everyone has had in the last few months. This stuff just stinks.

Because of a trip to Germany, we had to go the old fashioned route in May. I love doing the BBT because my cycle is so much like clockwork, except with the time changes. It is really difficult to try to get the right time when you are traveling. We may have missed the window but we gave it the old college try.

We went to Germany to see our new nephew. Ps sister got pregnant immediately after stopping BCP. Her biggest concern was that she could drink during Carnival. Sigh. Even funnier she rode her bike to the hospital to give birth. I love telling everyone that. It seems pretty amazing to me.

As I suspected, P was totally uncomfortable around the baby at first. He held it as if it were made of glass and contorted his body in weird ways to "make the baby more comfortable". The darn little guy really liked me, though. Every time I held him he fell asleep. Maybe it was because I cleverly let everyone man handle him for an hour or two, then took him when it was nap time again. I don't know.

Any way, we are debating about going in again for a baseline (iff this cycle is a bust). The hold back is that we would like to travel around the fourth of July and IVF could interfere with that. We will just have to see. I would just like to get it over with. I am still not excited about donor eggs, but I am hoping that would provide some closure. Until then, I think I will enjoy the life with only having a dog to worry about. After seeing Ps sister, it makes me appreciate my current life without child a little more.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Posted too soon

My ovaries looked like hell on the baseline sono. Nothing in lefty and a cyst and two follicles in righty. The worse baseline, yet. Hmmm so was it the....
or Gani*relix?

We'll never know. Yes, I almost cried on my way back, but the words of Nice Dr. were, "You are young and healthy." We can screen you every month. Once we find 5 follicles we will begin the stimulation.

On the bad side, I was being totally optimistic and bought all of the meds. Now they are just sitting there. Staring me in the face. If I do a donor cycle, they will probably be too many.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Bad at blogging

It has been a some time since I last blogged. I guess, I had many things to do and really I just couldn't face the fact that everyone around me was getting pregnant or having a baby. To summarize my last month.

Mekate my IF blog sister is pregnant and has graduated to an OB.
My coworker (40) just gave birth on Friday.
My second cousin just gave birth two weeks ago.
A good friend gave birth 10 days ago.

I, on the other hand, have had two months where my honey bun wasn't with me on the day I ovulated. Not that it would have done any good any way, but still heavy sigh!!

We have moved on to a new and very excited RE. Well, there are two in the practice. The one I saw (just so I could get an earlier appointment) was not my favorite person. He just didn't seem very personable. Mostly out to make the bucks. The other RE was fantastic. Very enthusiastic, informative, and positive. I am hoping all of my appointments can be surreptitiously scheduled through him.

What is the protocol? Luteal phase antagonist then agressive agonist, with a little antagonist thrown in at the end.
Dr. 1 forced me to ovulate (femara then ovidrel), which I thought, was overkill. I have ovulated every month according to every means readable (BBT, OPK, cervical mucus, progesterone levels, and cervix location) This was especially obvious this mont when he looked on Day 6 and I already had a 15mm follicle. Then one week after ovulation I had to have a progesterone test 24 (thank you very much). Then started 4 days of ganirelix. In addition, started estradiol patch to be switched every four days. Menses stared two days early. Very weird. I don't think I have ever been that early my entire life. I am already reading this is a bad sign. I have said that my body does not like to be manipulated with hormones.

So here we go. Oddly, I am not sure if I need to go in on day 2 or day 3. Clueless scheduling receptionist seemed to think that day 3 was ok, but I really think they said day 2. Will call them tomorrow morning.

Oddly, my dentist appt seem to always fall when I also have RE appt. Tomorrow I am supposed to get my teeth cleaned. Probably at the same time that they want to schedule my sono and blood work.

I think that is enough of an update for now.

Wishing all of the luck to my sisters in cyclesista. Lets get going!

Sunday, March 29, 2009


Mekate put her tarot reading on her site and I thought it was really cool so I will do the same. It looks really good, but I am not sure what to think about the hermit.

The Seeker-a new beginnig
You have the opportunity to start a new journey, with a beginner's mind. Is it time to hit the road, either metaphorically or literally? Every time you set out on a journey, even if it's only a one-day hike, you embark on a spiritual journey as well. Be open to all the twists and curves in the road ahead. Be ready for wonderful surprises. Be open-hearted, innocent, trusting and spontaneous. Take a risk! Before you is a brand new adventure — the chance for a fresh start and endless possibilities.

The Gardener-sensuality,creativity, abundance
You are being challenged by overflowing abundance and fertility, to the point that it may feel overwhelming or chaotic. You may be pregnant with so many new creations that you are having trouble focusing on just one. Learn to plant, weed and nourish your garden in a sustainable manner; then you will be able to offer the best possible of all foods to those whom you love.

The Resolution
The Hermit-sacred solitude
Resolution comes as you spend time in sacred solitude. You need to withdraw from the world to focus on your inner life and spirituality. Perhaps you have been wounded in the "wars of the world," or perhaps you are fatigued and empty from putting out so much energy, especially if you are a caregiver. Your well is empty and it needs to be filled. Take some time out for a retreat. Go away to the mountains or the sea, by yourself, without partner or friends. Spend time outside in nature, observing the changes in your environment day by day. Your inner wisdom and sense of well-being will grow effortlessly the more time you spend outside. When you once again enter community life, others will be drawn to the light they see inside you and may come to you for guidance. For part of your purpose is to share what you've learned with others.

Doesn't sound too shabby to me. I guess as soon as I get through my parents visit, then it is time four our new beginning.